It’s not okay, but it will be.



Our little former micropreemie, C, is now in intermediate school.






She was only two when I first started writing in this space. Now,- she’s a fourth grader.


This was the first year since we moved to Connecticut that she attended a new school. Two years of preschool, kindergarten, first, second, and third were in the same space.


So it was new.


People ask me how the transition went. How she’s doing. If things are going well.


I tell most of them that’s it’s been great– she’s done beautifully. It’s mostly true.


But the truth– that I share with only a very few people– is that, in the six weeks since school began, C. has yet to get to go to library with her class. And she LOVES library. She adores books and reading and escaping into a world of words. It brings her great joy.


I know that she receives lots of services and therapies. I know that scheduling is brutal. I know that people are trying to fit in a lot.


But… library. :(


Added to that, she’s missing snack. Again, I think it’s been her crazy schedule and all her movement around the building, but she’s been told that she can’t have her snack and, thus, she misses it. Added to the fact that she’s a slow eater, she’s simply not eating enough during the school day. C. is healthy enough, but she hovers ever on the brink of underweight– she simply NEEDS to eat more than she’s getting. Even if it takes her awhile.


And, so, when people ¬†who know C. well hear all this, they get frustrated. Irritated. Angry, on her behalf. And they say to me, “Have you called them? They need to fix this! This is not okay!”


And I respond, each and every time, “It’s not okay. But it will be.”


Because, you see, I have always and ever approached my relationship with the school from the angle the we are on THE SAME SIDE.


They are not my adversaries. They are not there to make our lives awful. They are not singling us out or trying to upset us.


I walked into today’s PPT with complete confidence that these situations would be resolved without issue.


And you know what?


They were.


Some of that might be luck. Some might be having a good school. Some might be that they weren’t hard issues to solve.


But, without a doubt, some of it is because I voiced my concerns completely from a place of, “Oh, hey, let me tell about what’s been going on so we can get it all sorted out.”


Attitude? . . . Matters.


Approach? . . . Matters.


Be confident, parents of students with special needs. Know your rights and know your priorities.


But, also, know that the people at the table? They’re fighting on the same army.


It wasn’t okay.


But it will be now.

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5 comments to It’s not okay, but it will be.

  • Erin

    I love this! I will strive to remember this with many of my interactions, not just educators. Often, we really are all on the same side.

  • Elizabeth

    I love the reminder to adopt an attitude of assuming we’re all on the same team. I chose to use that attitude with a change at my job that has been causing us all headaches. One of the services we provide to our clients has been contracted out by the state government and now we have to fill out extra paperwork and spend a few extra hours on the phone to get approval codes each week. It really stinks. But I have found that being friendly with the phone operators and going in with the attitude that we’re all trying our best to just do our jobs helps enormously. Sure, sometimes I get a cranky and unhelpful phone operator. But as often as not, when I sympathize with their increased workload and go in with the assumption that they’re trying to help me, then they DO help me. It’s win-win. And it’s much friendlier than choosing to gripe about something I have no control over.

  • Heather

    Yes! So much yes! Why must everyone be an asshole about everything? Flies to honey and all is so true! If they poo poo you then get Ruffles. But erring on the side of pleasant is a win for me. I really feel like I have so much less angst than everyone else because of this. Kid #4 has been breast fed EVERYWHERE and has barely had solids yet. And somehow I’ve managed not to have a throw down over it.

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