To the Teen Girls Wondering When to “Do It”



I want to speak to the teen and preteen girls out there.


I want to be brutally honest with those sweet young ladies who are honestly asking themselves, “Should I do it? Is this the right time for me to have sex? How do you know, for sure, that it’s right?”



This is not going to be a “true love waits” post, though I have no issues with that philosophy.


This is not going to be a “wait for your future husband or you’ve totally screwed up” post, either, because I loathe that attitude.


This is also not going to be a “everything is washed clean because Jesus paid for our sins” type of post, because, honestly, that doesn’t answer the question.


This is going to be me, JessieLeigh, talking straight and saying exactly what I said when a fifteen year old girl asked a 20-something me that exact question.


So here goes.


I know a fair number of women who first had sex at a young age and they do not regret it. They can look back fondly at that first encounter and they do not feel that it was a mistake.


I also know a lot of women who first had sex at a young age and now DO regret it. They wish they had waited longer and made a better choice, because they realize that their first experience was, perhaps, not as wonderful as it could/should have been.


What I do NOT know are any women who regret having waited as long as they did.


Let me say that again.


I’ve never personally met a woman who has said, “I sure wish I’d slept with someone sooner. That would have been a way better choice.”


What does that all mean?


Well, it means that, while you might feel just fine about having your first sexual experience at a young age, there’s still a decent chance you might not.


Is it worth it?


Only you can decide that.


I’ve told you what I know to be true. I’m not sugar-coating this or claiming that you’re doomed to be miserable should you decide to “do it.”


But make sure you’re using your brain when making the choice, and not just responding to your body or following “what your heart feels.”


Be sure.


Because, in the end… if you think, even for a second, you’d be better off waiting?


You would.

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8 comments to To the Teen Girls Wondering When to “Do It”

  • Jennie

    Awesome answer.

  • Melissa D

    I was fortunate to not have to make this decision as a young woman, but it certainly was difficult when I was dating the great guy who became my husband. HE had regrets from an earlier relationship and HE was the one who held firm to waiting. It’s such a great part of our relationship now BECAUSE there are no regrets–no memories of other experiences joining us. <3

  • Katie

    That is a good answer to a tough question!

  • Laraba

    I think if the young woman in question is a Christian, it is well worth suggesting they study the Scriptures. I am in the ‘do NOT have sex when not married’ camp, because that seems clearly what the Bible says. And I believe with ALL my heart that God said that because He designed us, and He knows sex is like fire. IT is a totally awesome gift in the right context. It can be a raging firestorm in the wrong place. Yes, I am sure there are plenty of women and men with no regrets about extra marital sex, but just because they don’t have regrets does not mean it was the best, healthiest thing for them. I am not condemning people who made other choices, but I have no hesitation saying that in my view, it was the WRONG choice. That sounds like condemnation, perhaps, but I think we can tag something as wrong without being hateful about it. I certainly have no desire to be hateful.

  • LL

    The Old Testament also encouraged rape and beheading people from opposing tribes, so I don’t think the Bible is the most trustworthy source to go by these days…

    In addition, I have friends who DID regret that they waited too long, so nothing is written in stone.

    • Never did I say anything was written in stone. I spoke only from my own experience– and was very honest about that in doing so.

      That said, I do take issue, LL, with your choice of wording in “waited too long.” Too long? What is “too long”? What makes it “too long”? Even though I’ve no doubt there are women who believe they should have had their first sexual encounter at a younger age (though I’ve never met them), the phrase “too long” seems far less appropriate than, say, “so long.”

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