JL Answers the Search Box, Volume 3

 

You asked for it and you got it–  JL Answers the Search Box is b-b-a-a-c-c-k-k!!

 

Honestly, I don’t know exactly how frequently I’ll do this. I’m betting on about every month or two, but certainly not more often than that. Quite frankly, I get a LOT of the same questions every single day, so that would get pretty old pretty fast.

 

But I dredged up some goodies again! So let’s get started…

 

JessieLeigh Answers the Search Box, volume 3

 

1. “Are micropreemies all toaster heads?”

 

Answer? No. But… ha! Ah, ha ha ha! This one cracked me up. For those of you who haven’t done a long NICU stint, the term “toaster head” may be unfamiliar. It has to do with the shape of a baby’s head after spending tons of time laid out in an isolette (<– basically an incubator.) Many micropreemies, who pretty much always have long NICU stays, wind up with heads that are flat on each side. Informally, this is referred to as “toaster head.” It doesn’t affect all micropreemies and can sometimes be avoided if nurses are super diligent about constantly repositioning the baby. Many babies outgrow the “toaster” shape and fill out, anyway. C. did not ever have a toaster head.

 

2. “What can I substitute for the back of an earring?”

 

I mention this one only because, I kid you not, I get this question several dozen times a day. Seriously. Short answer? Use an eraser. It’s the best, most readily available substitute. I wrote about it here and, apparently, I’m one of the only people online who has addressed the issue– ha!

 

3. “Does pumping burn more calories than running?” 

 

Oh, honey, I feel ya. You want those baby pounds gone and there’s no way you have the time or energy to run. Here’s the deal: pumping burns a lot of calories. Most estimates say about 500 calories a day. Now, minute-for-minute, it’s no match for running. But round-the-clock nursing and/or pumping can feel as grueling as training for a marathon at times. Keep on truckin’– you’re doing great work!

 

4. “Are there really people who don’t like the mall?”

 

Yes. Yes, there are. *raises hand*

 

5. “Who does the neonatologist do?”

 

Um… well… *ahem*… blush. His or her spouse? Hopefully? (Also? Whom. You wanted “whom” there. Actually, you probably wanted “what”, but, well, I’m just answering the question… )

 

6. “How do I find out who reported me on Twitter?”

 

Not sure! As far as I know, I’ve not been reported, myself. I have, however, reported a fair number of people. So, if you’ve done any of these ten things, there’s a good chance it was me. Sorry not sorry.

 

7. “How do I stretch these breasts?”

 

Oh, I swear, I must have a little twelve year old buried inside me, because I giggle an awful lot as I read through search phrases. Resuming my grown-up status, I’m guessing you meant chicken breasts and I have lots of suggestions on that both here and here.

 

8. “What is the fastest way to unload a dishwasher?”

 

Fastest? Other than doing the bottom rack first and unloading like items together, I don’t really know. But I now consider this a personal challenge… someone pass the stopwatch.

 

9. “Why put vodka in a drink?”

 

Really? Honestly, if you have to ask, I don’t think I can explain it to you. (To be fair, though, vodka is one of the most easily eliminated alcohols for virgin drinks– it doesn’t bring a ton of flavor to the table.)

 

(And… drumroll, please… you knew it was coming– )

 

10.  ”I played with my popper too long and now my balls are hot. What should I do?”

 

Put your balls down. Step away from the ball popper. Also? Don’t ask Google questions like that. I can only imagine what other sites popped up on your screen…

 

 

(If you missed them, or just need a giggle, here are: Volume 1 and Volume 2)

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