Despite my pledge to be effervescent, I am falling flat, dear friends.
I am SO SO sensitive, it’s utterly ridiculous. The slightest criticism (even when perhaps only in my mind) sends me right over the edge, and I now cringe before I can check comments, Twitter, or Facebook.
That is INSANE. And also? Not healthy.
So… I need to breathe.
I’m not going away, but, in an effort to stay calmer, I may not engage in debate or try to defend myself. I will read everything you post or write– I promise– but I may just let it ride without getting involved or responding as much. Please know that this is not because I don’t value your opinions or see the merit of sharing different views. It is simply because I don’t have the energy for it right now and it’s dragging me down too much.
It’s not you.
Really and truly.
Maybe it’s the winter days that are wearing me down. Maybe it’s the fact that pretty much a year ago, they told me our fourth baby was gone. Maybe it’s the fact that, on the one year anniversary of my D&C, I will take my eldest child in for surgery. My precious A…
it’s all just a little too much for me.
I hold my head high, smile and nod to everyone in my real life. “Yes,” I assure them, “it’s the right thing to do.” (It is.) “It should be outpatient. He’s strong. He’ll do well.” (I am convinced of this, but inside I still fret.)
My heart is tender right now and I’ve come to realize that the only one with the opportunity to protect it is… me.
Bear with me, friends. I’ll bounce back. I have faith in that.