Sometimes, I Go to Bed Mad

Sometimes it's okay to go to bed MAD


I can see some of you recoil in horror right about now. Your gasps echo in my ears. “No, JessieLeigh, oh no no no… what are you SAYING?? Didn’t you go through Marriage 101? Didn’t anyone offer up that most helpful nugget of marital advice to you?…”


“Don’t go to bed mad.”


Yes, yes they did. In fact, my mother-in-law may or may not have written that trite little statement in our wedding card. But I digress…


Here’s the reality:  I’ve been married for close to eleven years now and, yes, there have been times (albeit not a LOT) when I have gone to bed, and to sleep, angry.


“Why?” you might ask, “WHY would you do that?”


And, at the risk of sounding trite, I’m tempted to reply with “why not?”


I’m not really sure what the big push is to resolve things before the lights go out. Obviously, it would be ideal to talk things through and clear the air. Yes, I realize that some people may have a hard time getting restful sleep while there’s still tension.


I get that.


But I also understand that, for me, it’s not worth it to brush it aside or pretend it doesn’t matter just so that we can “clear the air” before bed. Too often, that means we don’t really address the issues; we just try to act like it’s okay. That doesn’t solve anything.


I can’t say that I’m worried that I’m going to die in my sleep. I’m pretty sure the odds of healthy individuals in their thirties dropping dead while sleeping is pretty low– certainly much lower than the odds that I’ll be suddenly killed in a car wreck or other disaster. So… yeah. I’m not worried about dying without clearing the air, though I’ve heard that cited as a reason.


Finally, if we’re to actually get to the bottom of a serious disagreement, it’s going to take a little time, clarity, and clear-headedness. Is this best achieved in an argument that continues on past midnight? Not for me. Far better that I get some sleep under my belt and revisit the most critical of the issues in the light of day with a clear, rested mind. By then, the heat of my temper has cooled and I’m left with just the heart of the problem.


I’m a big ol’ advocate of “do what works.” So, if working out all your problems before you allow yourself to turn in for the night works for you? I say, “go for it.”


It doesn’t work for me. I don’t need the pressure of, “you can’t go to sleep until every disagreement and issue is totally and completely resolved– that would be your downfall!!!”


And, so, sometimes, I go to bed mad.


(Also? I promise here and now to never write “Never go to bed mad” in any of my children’s wedding cards.)

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5 comments to Sometimes, I Go to Bed Mad

  • I agree with you. For me, it’s best to sleep on it and that allows my brain to process the issue and approach the conversation with a little more thought put into it…why I feel the way I do, what makes me think my side is right…for me I just need to cool off a bit and that allows me to deal with the issue better.

  • Susan

    You are so funny! I loved this story. I guess I never really thought about it before (we’ve been married 14 years but dated for many years before that). I have kind of an explosive temper. It’s much better for me to sleep on it. 24 hours later, I am much calmer about any argument and am ready to negotiate.

    Have a great weekend!

  • Darcey

    I know what you are saying. I am just like Susan. I get angry and it really is best for me to bite my tongue and think before I speak more anger. So, I go to bed angry. I think better in the shower, in the morning, anyway.

  • yeah I never really got that advice. SOmetimes I go to bed mad and wake up thinking it was dumb and I don’t even care anymore.

  • Jennie

    It depends on the argument. If it’s big and can’t be solved, then yes. But if it’s a petty then I try to resolve it. Sleep brings much clarity to most issues.

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