How Pro-Choice Rhetoric Demeans My Baby

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I’ve likely worn you all out with all my discussions about why I’m pro-life. No matter what. And how I have a very hard time reconciling how someone could be pro-choice and against the death penalty.


I’m not here to beat a dead horse.


But I feel the need to talk about a little something…


It could just be that I recently reconnected with a whole bunch of college friends who are very, very liberal. They’re very “pro-woman” (<– NOT a bad thing!) and also very anti-Republican (<– maybe a bad thing for me, since I am one.)


I’ve been reading a lot of status updates condemning Ryan for supporting “personhood” laws. A lot of griping about how men have no business making laws about women’s healthcare. (Though, surprisingly, they are A-OK with those men as long as they make the laws they want. Hmmm…)


There have been a lot of discussions about how ridiculous some of these “rabid pro-lifers” are– that they’re placing value on a fetus or an embryo or a zygote. That this THING is not, indeed, a person, but only a mass of cells.


And I remember hearing the words…


“… no more heartbeat.”


Did I not lose a baby? Was it just a mass of cells that slowly disintegrated into nothingness, as if it were never a life at all? I only made it to ten weeks of pregnancy and, in actuality, our precious child never even grew quite as big as a ten week gestation baby should be.


So, what then… what does that mean? Am I just over-emotional and ridiculous to mourn the loss of a child who, in the opinion of so many, doesn’t even count as a person? Is this a sign of my utter stupidity that I shed tears over what amounts to nothing?


I don’t honestly think my friends believe that. I think they’re genuinely sorry that we lost our fourth baby. But why? Just because it makes me sad or because they acknowledge an actual loss of life?


I’ve always said that I will speak up and defend all babies, including the unborn.


It has always sickened me a fair bit to think of precious unborn children being, well, eliminated.


But I never realized just how very much it could hurt for someone to deny the existence of an actual baby… until I lost one.


Make no mistake: I lost a baby. And pro-choice rhetoric demeans that loss.

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29 comments to How Pro-Choice Rhetoric Demeans My Baby

  • It has made me so sad to see how people have acted regarding the whole Akin thing. He choose some very poor words to describe his view that babies should be protected no matter how they were conceived. Despite his horrific comments, he is still polling ahead of his opponent here in Missouri. IT makes me mad when i hear people say any woman who would vote for him is just plain stupid or all Republicans hate women. I would never make those comments about my liberal friends; however, Republicans are always made out to be the ones that lack tolerance.

    Why is it *so* wrong for a woman to vote to defend the unborn?

    As for the Akin thing, how about we let Missouri voters decided if he should be elected to the Senate? Those of us who actually watched the initial interview, saw him self correct shortly after he made the offensive comments. I’m not excusing his remarks but let him prove himself to Missouri voters. Most people who are being so vicious about the whole thing (death threats, etc) don’t even live in Missouri.

    Oh and my husband and I actually download the Ryan’s The Path to Prosperity and read it all the way through. Just because we are Republicans doesn’t mean that we will just blindly vote for all republicans. We do are best to be as educated as possible when we get to the polls.

  • Jamie

    I 100% agree.

    I am pro-life, pro-death penalty.
    (People actually support killing babies but not murderers and pedophiles? Rhetorical question.)

    It infuriates me when people say it isn’t a baby.

    The baby I lost at 9w3d was wanted, and loved, and cherished. :’(

  • We lost our fourth baby as well. I was in my 7th month of pregnancy. Everything was chugging along fine and then nothing. He just stopped. At that stage, I was induced. I went through labor and delivery of a still born son. I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry your baby died. I’m sorry people don’t value that.

  • Kim

    I’m sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is. I’ve had 6 miscarriages and I have 3 children. I agree with your post 100%.
    My other issue regarding miscarriages is what the medical community calls them. My chart says “spontaneous abortion” and the first time I saw that it was like rubbing salt in an open wound. In my opinion, an abortion is a choice and not one I would ever make, so to have doctors use that word to describe my miscarriages is extremely offensive to me.

    • Oh, Kim. I hear you. I wound up having a D&C after my loss and the paperwork read “incomplete abortion.” Ick. When pregnant with my 2nd, they suspected I was miscarrying at 6 weeks and the discharge paperwork read “spontaneous abortion.” While perhaps medically correct, I do agree that the association is such that it’s no longer an appropriate word to use for women who have lost/are losing a precious (and very wanted) baby. I am so very sorry for your losses. My heart aches for you.

  • wow, so much depth and emotion in this post that I almost don’t know what to say. My reasoning behind my support of pro-life is this: the baby is innocent and deserves to live. And yes, hearing stories of miscarriage like yours just brings it so much closer to home. ((hugs))

  • Laraba

    I remember hearing a Christian, prolife preacher talk about something neat. He pointed out that when Mary conceived Jesus, she “hurried” to see Elizabeth, her cousin, because the angel told her Elizabeth was pregnant. The preacher had to guess how long her trip to see Elizabeth was, but guessed maybe a week. And when Mary walked into Elizabeth’s house, John the Baptist leapt for joy because Jesus was in Mary’s womb. At 7 days gestation or something. I mean, we don’t know EXACTLY how far along Jesus was, but not long! Certainly not a couple of months if “hurry” means what I think it means. So Jesus at that very early stage was very definitely a BABY. A person. Our first miscarriage was a blighted ovum and the baby never developed much but I believe, I know, with all my heart that she lives in Heaven with Jesus. She was and is a real person who lived, though only for minutes or hours or a few days.
    As you know, I am very sorry you lost your precious little one. It’s right that you should grieve AND be angry at those who would intimate your baby wasn’t really a person.

  • Becca

    First off, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your fourth child. I found you through a giveaway you have going on on your other blog. Happy to have found you! I, too, am a pro-life advocate. I actually just started volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center. The unborn need a voice! Keep staying strong and keep defending them. :)

    • Oh, bless you for volunteering at your local crisis pregnancy center, Becca. That’s on my future to-do list, for sure. Once my kiddos are just a bit older, I would love to get involved in supporting mothers and babies in need/crisis.

  • I don’t really understand the rhetoric. The biological fact is that the second the sperm and the egg connect there is a baby. It clearly can’t live on it’s own, but it’s still a baby. and I am pro-choice. (though not in a flaming liberal use it as your main form of birth control way!)

    • The rhetoric exists, of course, because it doesn’t feel nearly as innocuous to be “ending the life of a baby” as it does to “remove a clump of cells.” Both sides of any political issue rely on rhetoric, of course. This isn’t just something of which the pro-choicers are guilty. It’s just that refusing to acknowledging that there is LIFE before a certain point makes those of us will earlier miscarriages look like fools. :(

  • Amen, my friend. Be bold and keep saying it. God didn’t set you down this path for nothing. Love you!

  • Penny

    I second the Amen! After losing 2 babies (one at 18 weeks and another one at 12 weeks), I completely understand. I can’t vote for someone who doesn’t support unborn babies.

  • amy

    I still find this a difficult discussion. I hate that the terms are prolife and prochoice. I would never choose no life for **any** reason and for that I am prolife, but I still prefer to see it as *my* choice. I do not see it as the government’s choice and therefore I guess I am prochoice as well. I am not against life, I am against others making my choice. I feel like if they are to set the rules for this they my has well set the rules for every single thing I do and that would be a scary world.

    • I’m not a huge fan of “pro-life” and “pro-choice” either, Amy, but I do think they’re infinitely better than their “anti-choice” or “pro-abort” counterparts. Both sides definitely try to make the “other guy” sound even worse through the choice of words/language.

  • Sarah

    I am absolutely a pro life supporter. I am a NICU RN and work with babies every day that could have been aborted. Each life, no matter how small is a life. It is amazing to me that I take care of babies as small as 1 to 2 lbs that should still be inside of momma. They are perfectly formed and already have such strong personalities. What I don’t understand is that most of the nurses I work with support abortion. I don’t get that.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    • Thank you, Sarah, for your kindness and for sharing your experience. Honestly, my pro-life stance was deeply strengthened after my experience in the NICU with our 24-weeker. To learn that she could have been aborted in many states– at that point!!– simply blew my mind. Very eye-opening.

  • Shannon L

    I don’t remember where I heard this but I heard a story about a man talking to another man about abortion. He claimed that a baby is not a baby until they can survive outside the womb. The other guy said, “Using your logic, a person on a ventilator is less human than someone who breathes on their own.” Then the guy backtracked and said, it isn’t a baby until its born. Other guy comes back with, “So the distance the baby travels makes him/her a human. So the people at the front of the plane are more human than the ones in the back.” First guy says well it isn’t big enough to be a baby. Other guy follows with, “Then a small person is less human than a big person.” Listening to this conversation was the turning point in my life to believe that abortion is truly murder. As a person who has experienced an unknown number of miscarriages(I suspected a few but did not want to go to Dr to confirm. It was too painful to think about.), I loved my babies that God was knitting in my womb. It just wasn’t in His will for those babies to be born into this world. But I will see them in Heaven, along with my Jesus.

  • Tracy

    I do think your friends may be genuinely sorry for you, though I can understand why it’s hard to believe them. I feel that, for many, abortion is selective denial. They will believe life begins at conception for themselves and those they care about, but when it’s a faceless woman carrying those cells they believe in abortion. I don’t understand how anyone who has been a mother can be pro-choice. Didn’t they, like us, from the first minute sit and read about how their baby was developing each week? Or did they ignore the fact they were pregnant for the first 14+ weeks because the growth in their body was just a lump of cells? I can’t think of any other explanation.

  • Glad to call you friend. Again and always. I’ve thought the same things through my miscarriages, but my most painful “pro-life pro-choice” time was that 3 miserable years when we couldn’t conceive, and thousands upon thousands of babies were being killed. :(

  • {{hugs}}

    All these stories of loss break my heart; and yet, there’s such beauty in a community of understanding.

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