Having a Same-Age Spouse

I mentioned in my menu plan this week that I am three months older than my husband– oh, the horrors! ;)  No, seriously though, that means that we’re basically the same age.  We were born in the same year.  We got our driver’s licenses mere days apart.  We’re, for all intents and purposes, the same age.


And I love that.


Now, here’s my typical disclaimer that I always attach to this sort of post:  There are advantages to all situations.  There are, I’m sure, perks to having a larger age gap between husband and wife.  I have no doubt that there are some lovely elements that that might add to a marriage.  I don’t really know.  I have no experience with it.  But I absolutely trust you all to fill me in in the comments and I look forward to reading about it!  But, for now, let me just tell you what totally works for me about being married to a guy who’s the same age as me…


We have a shared history.


While we grew up in totally different states and didn’t meet until we were twenty-one years old, my guy and I have so many shared memories.  We both remember hearing “U Can’t Touch This” in eighth grade.  We both remember peg-rolling our pants in sixth grade.  We remember when the Challenger exploded when we were in grade school.  We can laugh about TSR-80 computers and Commodore 64′s.  We can both easily recall when we first got microwaves and answering machines– and we were roughly the same ages when these things happened.  Prom theme songs?  Yep, we share those too.  If not the exact song, then memories of those songs because we were listening to the same things at the same time.  There’s something lovely about being able to laugh and recollect about these things together– it’s just so easy to relate!  We had some things in common before we ever even met.


There’s no “catching up”.


Being the same age means that we don’t have one finishing anything way ahead of the other.  Nobody was left behind in high school for three years while the other headed off to “higher learning.”  We entered the work force at pretty much the same time.  We could toast each other with a glass of wine– and it was legal for BOTH of us.  The first election we could vote at?  Was the same for both of us.  Eventually, we’ll be able to collect social security and pensions right around the same time, too.  Does this really matter?  Not particularly… but, especially in our younger days, it was kind of nice to always be on the “same track.”


There was never a point in our history when it was creepy.


Okay, I say this one tongue-in-cheek, but hear me out.  My husband once worked with a lady who carried a picture with her.  It was an old picture of her husband and her.  In it?  He was holding her in his arms.  She was a baby.  He was full-grown.  That’s right– she was an infant and he was a young man.  Now, by the time my husband knew her, she and her husband were, of course, both adults.  But still!   I simply cannot fathom that.  And, I’m going to be honest and just say that I think people in their twenties have no business dating teenagers (I think it’s obvious I’m not speaking of a 19yo and a 20yo, here).  A twenty-two year old guy and a sixteen year old girl?  I’m sorry.  It just seems creepy to me.  When I was twenty-two, there’s no way in the world I would have gone trolling a high school in search of a date.  But if I think back, say, ten years, we were 25.  We were almost-married.  Nothing creepy there.  How about 20 years?  We were both 15.  Had we been dating, we would have been young, but not creepy.   Being the same age means that there was never a point in our history where it would have been weird for us to be hanging out together.  :)  Again, I say this one in jest and I do not, in any way, find it creepy for, say, a forty-five year old to be married to a thirty-five year old.  (But it does creep me out to imagine them at eighteen and eight… just sayin’.)


So there you are.  Having a husband the same age as me totally works for me.  And that’s a good thing, ’cause that’s what I’ve got!  But, as I already acknowledged, I’m sure there are advantages to having a younger spouse or one who’s older.  So tell me– what’s the age difference in your relationship and why do you love it?

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20 comments to Having a Same-Age Spouse

  • My husband is seven years older than I am. We met when I was a senior in college and he just graduated from Seminary. It works just because it does. He’s the one that God had for me…it’s as simple as that! It is sometimes weird to think about our age difference (even though it isn’t huge) in terms of “when you started driving I was only 9″ or whatever…it’s good for a chuckle together.

  • mlearley

    I agree on the age looking back issue. My boss is 10 years younger than her husband and that’s just weird to me. He was graduating college when she was 12. My husband and I are 6 months apart so same age technically but I did something before him…vote, drive, etc. Then it switched he actually graduated from college a calendar year before me (only one semester). So we keep teasing that our kids are going to be confused about our ages. I love being the same age b/c we can relate on so many things. We were watching VH1 I love the 90s and were remember all those things together.

    • Ah, VH1!! How fun! Gosh, my husband and I both remember when MTV actually played music videos! ;) That’s funny how you and your husband flip-flopped on who did things first! I’m only 3 months older, but an entire year ahead in school because of “cut-off ages”. I always thought that was kind of funny. :)

  • Mr. V is 7 months older than me. Enough that I will enjoy watching him turn 30 and still have a few months to laugh at him being old before it’s my turn. ;)

    But I agree – having that shared growing-up experience is nice.

  • He’s 2 years older than I am, so we have many of the shared experiences like you do.

    A friend is 10 years younger than his wife. In their first year together, they heard a song by the Cars and had this conversation:
    HER: This song brings back so many memories!
    HIM: Yeah, junior high was great….
    HER: Huh? I was talking about grad school!!

    My uncle is 10 *months* older than his wife. Years ago, she was teasing him about having just turned 40, and he said, “Look out: Before I turn 41, you’ll be 42!” She was baffled for a while before she realized he’d said, “Forty, too!” :-)

  • Mary

    When we were first dating, I was 18 (though only a few weeks from 19) and my husband was 22. He said it was kind of creepy, but he also bragged about it, in a joking way, to his law school buddies, many of whom were into their late twenties, making “she’s only 18″ a bit more naughty! Sometimes the shared history is weird, but not usually. I like that he’s older because I didn’t have to wait for him to “grow up”. I know some men mature younger, but most of the guys I know didn’t act like men until 25 or so – which was how old DH was when we married.

    • That’s an interesting point, Mary, about maturity levels! Something I never really thought about, again, just because it didn’t really apply in my own situation. :) I bet his law school buddies all thought your hubby was “robbing the cradle”!

  • My husband and I are a mere two months apart, so basically the same age too! It works for us too.

  • My hubby and I grew up in the same small town and attended the same school. I love that we have some of the same school memories and will be sending our child(ren) there too.

    • As I wrote this post, I was thinking about all the couples who may have a larger age gap than my hubby and I, but who grew up in the same town. I do think that makes a real difference in providing some of that “shared history”!

  • Katie

    My husband is 7 years older than me. He lived practically next door so that is kind of strange since we knew each other when we where younger. Nothing creepy ever went on though ;) There is definately a gap in our history. We don’t remember the same childhood toys or cartoons for example. Another situation where I notice our age difference is with our classmates, we went to the same school but since we were so far apart we don’t know each other’s classmates.

    That is so weird about your husband’s former co-worker who had the picture of her husband holding her when she was a child. That kind of age gap would be a little weird for me.

    It’s fun to read through the comments and to read about the age difference between other couples!

    • Katie

      *were* Ugh, everytime I comment on your blog lately I leave typos! I really can spell :)

    • I think it’s fun too, Katie! I always love reading/hearing about people who have wide gaps between their children, too. Since I had my first two less than 11 months apart, it’s all so foreign to me… but fascinating! :) That’s neat that you all have the shared history of growing up so close to each other– that’s a different kind of shared experience, but also very special!

  • I am 4 years 10 months older than my hubby. It’s totally a non-issue until something crazy comes up…like he never owned a 45 record. He went straight to cassette singles. FREAKY!!

  • well, i am glad for having people like me …. like in love with their boyfriends or husbands and in the same age!!!.. uk i was so afraid that this might get into problems afterword.. but when i read your post you freaking made my day Jessie!! i have hope now that me and my boyfriend will be together when we grow up, btw( i am 16 years old now .. turning to 17 on March, 22 lol) and his birthday is on April, 11.. so basically we are in the same age AND i am about 20 days older than him! i was worried at first, but then when we knew each other and fell in love i literally dont care about the age anymore.. but i get depressed whenever i think of it, like in the future i dont know wut my dad would say.. i am afraid he would refuse..but in anyway.. i will be positive and pray God every day for keeping us together and get married in the future. and yeah, i am Syrian, live in Jeddah (so does he).

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