He wanted to see how much water a plastic bag would hold.
I cringed. What a mess. He suggested that perhaps he could do it over the bathtub– less mess, that way. I waffled. He was right, but I could still envision the soaked clothes and trails of water across my tile floor. But it was the last day of summer break. An unexpected “bonus” day when our town flooded from Irene. Gorgeous outside, but with saturated, soggy earth that was no good for running and playing. I made my decision.
Yes. Yes, you can play in tub. Yes, I will fill it up for the three of you. Yes, you may get your sisters and the bag of plastic dinosaurs. Yes. Yes– I will be a Yes Mom today.
And I heard the giggles. Smiled at the belly laughs. Listened proudly to their imaginative play. I didn’t even freak out when my son announced, “G. just climbed in the tub!” It was a happy, joyful afternoon.
And then it was naptime, so I went to get G, my two-year old. I was prepared with a change of dry clothes and a big, fluffy towel. I helped her undress and went to help her on the potty. And I slid, careening across the slick tile, and coming perilously close to tumbling down with a naked toddler in my arms.
I saw red.
“For heaven’s sake!” I hollered. ”What in the world? Is this what happens when I let you have fun? Are you TRYING to hurt me?”
Ouch.
Of course they weren’t.
But I hurt them. I could see it in their eyes. Hear it in their murmured, “sorry, mama”s. And something inside me cracked.
Saying “yes” is not the hard part. Being willing to take and handle all that comes along with that “yes” is what makes it difficult. It is also what makes it special. I knew, of course, that there would be water on the floor. Remember those “rivers on my tiles” I initially feared? This wasn’t any kind of shock. In my hurry to move things along, I just forgot. I didn’t notice the film of moisture and, as a result, about wiped out. Yes, it would have been nice if my little ones had thought to wipe up all those drips, but they were too caught up in the joy to notice. They were too caught up in the happiness of having a Yes Mom… until I nearly ruined it.
Agreeing to let a child finger paint is only a triumph if we can clean up the mess with a joyful heart. Letting our littles help bake is only admirable if we can overlook the spilled flour and focus on the big picture. Allowing my kids to splash haphazardly in the tub is only special if I can cope with the fall-out with a smile on my face…
I need to work on my Yes Mom follow-through.
Beautiful post! You’re absolutely right! I have my grace-filled moments when I say ‘YES,’ but how quickly that grace fades when my standards are trampled. I’m really a better mama when the house is a little messy already! Just found your blog from Money Saving Mom.
“I’m really a better mama when the house is a little messy already!” Yes! This. I can completely relate to what you’re saying here. It’s not that I want the place to be trashed, but if I’ve slaved away to make it perfect, the tiniest thing can seem like a personal affront. If I’m a little more relaxed about it, well, we all wind up much happier.
Thanks for coming over from MSM!
I’m pretty sure everyone needs to work on the follow through. It is definitely difficult to deal with all of the pushed-to-your-limit things with a joyful heart. You’d think the guilt would make it easier to remember the next time.
You’d think, wouldn’t you? My temper is quick– this is something I know and need to work on. It’s not bad and simmers out almost as fast as it flares, but it is quick…
We have all needed to work on the followthrough from time to time. Nobody ever said you had to be perfect to be a mom!
Not perfect, but perhaps less short-tempered? That’s a goal for me.
Amen! Profound words, my friend
. Because I’m the only playmate my daughter has, I have to be the “yes mom” who willingly plays in the dirty sandbox and engages in other dirty activities. I’ve learned that it’s so fun to play with my daughter and that they grow up so fast that I don’t want to miss anything!
What’s funny is that I don’t actually MIND getting dirty when I’m playing with them. It’s as if the mess somehow “surprises” me if I’m not actively involved in the play… which is ridiculous, of course, because I most certainly could foresee the wet floor.
So true! Some days it’s hard to suck it up and be happy about cleaning up 30,000 beans off the floor because it makes your daughter so happy to play in a bowl of beans with a spoon.
Beans! Yes! Thanks for the reminder– my kiddos love beans too.
This is so me. I want to be a “yes” mom too, but I hate the messes. I fly off the handle too often and regret my reaction immediately. I want my child to be a child and have FUN. Me losing my cool is not fun. Ugh. I hate that.
Thanks for sharing.
Oh, my temper can be so quick, Heather. I hate that about myself. It is also short-lived, which means that my husband has learned to easily weather my storms. But my children, oh, I always regret my temper with them…
Whew. That is so, SO true – and I don’t know that I’ve ever thought it through like that. Thank you for these words that I really needed to hear!
Oh wow, you really hit the nail on the head with this one. “Being willing to take and handle all that comes along with that “yes” is what makes it difficult.” SO SO TRUE!
Wow. I never would have been able to put this into words but I really struggle with this too. Actually I struggle with just being a “yes mom” in general. but I am guilty of punishing them right after I have told them to have fun. Thank you for this. I needed to hear this today.
It’s so wise of you to notice that you’d like to be a Yes Mom more often; and then being intentioned about what that looks like…slips and all
.
Now since my kids are out of this stage, I realize how the little things go long. Here’s to more moments that bring smiles!!!
I learn so much from you, Robin, and love to be able to soak in the wisdom of someone who is “ahead of me” in this whole mothering gig. Thank you for sharing so much with us all!
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