Tell Him About It

So, I have been happily married for coming up on 10 years.  (Some of you have been married longer, some shorter, some are not married– just giving a little background here!)


One thing I’ve noticed about my man, and the majority of other men I’ve known, is this–


They don’t notice the same things we do.


It’s not that they don’t care.  It’s not that it doesn’t matter.  They just don’t notice when you highlight your hair.  Or get cute new shoes.  Or maybe even spend hours cleaning.  Unless the change is ridiculously dramatic, it just doesn’t register.  Or they’re afraid to say something.  Because, face it, we women can be kind of unpredictable sometimes.  Mention that the room looks nice and we might come back with, “What?  Why?  Was it dirty before?  What was wrong?”   You know it’s true.


Still, when you’ve put a lot of thought or effort into something, you want validation.  You want, well, someone to notice.


So here is my ultra-simple, works-every-time tip for you:


Tell him about it.


Yep, spell it out.  I know this goes completely against our subtle ways and love of innuendo.   But, seriously, help him out.  I like to causally mention how hard I’ve been working cleaning in an email.  My man’s not stupid.  He sees that.  And, when he gets home, he dutifully remarks on how great it looks.  Happy day.


Is that “less romantic” than if he could always read my mind, interpret my cues, and notice every little thing around here?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  But it’s a whole lot better than spending an evening just WAITING and HOPING that he might notice something.


So try it.  Help a guy out.  I think you’ll find it makes life a little easier for both of you.


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11 comments to Tell Him About It

  • Marci

    And sometimes I even tell him exactly what I want him to say. Like the day I spent hours cleaning the outsides of all of the kitchen cabinets. I told him before he came home that even if he couldn’t tell, he needed to make a big deal out of how great it looked. After I did that, he painted the kitchen, moved the old table out of the kitchen we didn’t want anymore, and even made me a new pantry. Not exactly what I was expecting…it was a great way to show his appreciation for my hard work though! :-D

  • I agree – 100%. Also instead of putting on a pouty face, acting grumpy – tell him you had a bad day. Seriously, God has wired females and males so differently that we need to remember that our husbands are not mind readers either! I still struggle with putting that in practice but I’ve learned a lot since we first got married :).

  • You are so right! Have you seen “Are You an Asker or a Guesser?” Often, women want men to guess what we want without our asking, and that can result in disappointment.

  • Katie

    Your timing could not have been better for this great piece of advice. Just last night my husband & I had a disagreement/miscommunication and I I finally said “I guess I am just going to have to tell you when an issue is important to me and that we need to discuss it.” So imagine my amusement when I clicked over to your site this morning and this post was staring back at me ;) I don’t know why it took me five years to figure out that my poor husband just needs me to tell him what I’m thinking or need from him.

  • Ha ha this is so easy and true. It’s also exactly our “secret” of how we first spoke on December 20 and were married less than 3 months later on March 17. :) Only 5 1/2 years ago though.

  • [...] not be ashamed to do so.  I always joke that one of my best secrets to our happy marriage is that I TELL my husband about the things I do.  I don’t expect him to notice every little thing on his own.  But, if I tell him, [...]

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