So, same-sex marriage is legal here…

(This is a very controversial subject and I’m well aware of that.  I welcome varying opinions and especially support thought-provoking discussion.  I do ask that we try to be polite and avoid cruelty in the comments.)

In recent weeks, New York state passed a law making same-sex marriage legal.  Because we are a neighboring state, this made the nightly news around here for awhile.  It wasn’t that anyone was particularly alarmed in these parts– it’s been legal here in Connecticut for a few years now.  It’s a hot topic though, and one that inspires much debate.

 

Now, if you know me, either in real life or even through my blog, you know that I’m a rather conservative vehement pro-lifer who lost the rose-colored glasses long, long ago.  Knowing all that, it’s perhaps a little shocking to learn that…

 

I’m not particularly offended by same-sex marriage.

 

Let me back up just a tad here.  I believe that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman and should last a lifetime.  I believe that, ideally, children are brought up with one father and one mother and they all live happily, securely, and faithfully under one roof.  I believe that God intended for man and woman to join together and that marriage should be a reflection of this.

 

But.

 

Those are high standards.  And, you’ll notice, the involvement of “one man and one woman” is only one part of the whole picture.  I don’t believe the genders involved are of any more importance, say, than the commitment to be together forever.  Is it an important part of the “ideal, intended” picture of marriage?  In my opinion, absolutely.  And here’s where I rip off the rose-colored glasses…

 

We do not live in a world where that is what marriage means.  In states where same-sex marriage is illegal and all marriages are heterosexual unions, we do not see endless examples of this “perfect union.”  We live in a society (no matter what your state law may be) where marriage can too often be quick, painless, and disposable.  There is very little required to get married and throwing in the towel when the going gets rough is commonplace.  Children all over are being raised in broken homes or with step-parents and step-siblings abounding.  Or, far worse, they’re being raised by parents who are serial daters with new flings from month to month.  It is not uncommon for people in their 20′s to be on their second marriages and I know of a few marriages that didn’t make it to their first anniversaries.

 

So tell me.  When people hold same-sex marriage up for comparison, are they considering how deeply flawed the institution already is?  Or are they comparing it to an idealized notion that simply is not the norm?

 

Now, I do not believe that churches should be mandated to perform same-sex marriages.  If this goes against the church’s beliefs and teachings (as it does in my own), the ceremonies should not be performed there.  Churches can (and should) have higher standards, in my opinion.  Realistically, I would like to see churches refuse more heterosexual marriages, if I’m to be honest.  I fully support the Catholic church’s stance on second (and beyond) marriages and its distaste for divorce.  I appreciate that the sanctity of marriage is being honored in such a way.  As such, it would be unsettling to me if the Catholic church were to start performing same-sex marriage ceremonies.

 

But the government?  It doesn’t really bother me.  I don’t in any way feel that my “man-woman” union is being made “less” by these laws permitting men to marry men and women to marry women.  I am not threatened by it and, quite honestly, since it’s not illegal to sleep with people of the same gender, I actually prefer to see a firm, legitimate commitment being made.  Maybe that’s just me.

 

For better or for worse, as long as there exists a separation of church and state, there is a difference between a marriage in the eyes of God and a marriage in the eyes of our politicians and society.  And, until our society is ready to enforce a higher standard and ideal for marriage across the board, I’m not going to lose any sleep over the legality or illegality of same-sex marriage.

 

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14 comments to So, same-sex marriage is legal here…

  • I agree with you! I am a born again Christian, wife, and mommy. In the perfect world we have mom and dad with the perfect family. If 2 people love each other and want to make a lifelong commitment to each other..so be it. WHy should they not get the same legal right. Separation of church and state. Too many people are too full of hate in their heart. I will live my life how I think it should be lived and let God be the judge. You win more people over with love and kindness than telling them how sinful and wrong they are!

    • “I will live my life how I think it should be lived and let God be the judge.” <– I love this line. I love that, yes, there is absolute accountability for the choices we make and how we live, but acknowledgment that we are not the real judge and jury when it comes to righteousness. Thanks, Theresa.

  • Yes indeed this is a hot topic here too. The folks raising a stink about would likely be absolutely unaffected so I don’t see why they care. I’d think it would be preferable to encourage committed relationships. Since the divorce rate is so high it seems to me it’s the heterosexual folks that value marraige.

    • Is there talk of a law passing there? That seems to be when people get all riled up. Honestly, I think it’s kind of odd that, no matter what the laws may be, we’re not more consistent from state-to-state about a lot of things…

  • geez I can’t edit my comment. it was supposed to say are devaluing marriage. I misspelled multiple words in one sentence!

  • I believe in a man and a woman being together in marriage. I think same-sex is wrong just as much as fornication, divorce (and especially remarriage after divorce) and being sexually impure is wrong. With that said, I believe in love. I believe in being kind and not hateful. I just find it odd that while the rest of the world doesn’t believe in marriage anymore and are having sex outside of marriage – that same-sex marriage needs to be made law. I think do care for this law. It’s not ok with me.

    • Well, I guess I look at it more that, if a sin has already occurred, it doesn’t become “more wrong” or “more right” for there to be a marriage. Just as getting married AFTER a pregnancy occurs doesn’t erase the fact that premarital sex was involved, I don’t think that a marriage certificate puts a “stamp of approval” on same-sex relations, necessarily. The things that go along with that certificate– sharing a last name, filing a joint tax return, etc.– are not things that I think are of true import in the eyes of God. But, as I said, because for ME, the words, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” held more weight than the paper from the courthouse, I clearly believe in marriage between a man and woman and before God.

  • Sheila

    Wow. I’m almost speechless. It just seems by your same argument that if we aren’t perfect, we should just quit trying altogether. Just because we don’t always measure up to an ideal doesn’t mean we should toss the ideal as meaningless.

    • I’m so glad you brought this up, Sheila, and I couldn’t agree more that we must never toss away the ideal as meaningless. I will always uphold and support traditional marriage– I will also always aspire to make my own marriage ever-better and stronger. If anything, I think we should be striving to have even higher standards of marriage within the church. I just don’t feel threatened by what, in my eyes, amounts to more of a governmental contract than a covenant before God. For me, when it comes to my issues with our laws, I’ve decided that my energy is better spent fighting for the unborn than against same-sex marriage. At this point, it’s become a “you pick your battles” situation. You are very much correct, though, in that the ideal doesn’t just “go away” because we’re not reaching it– that’s an important point.

  • Mellodee625

    What I don’t understand is why is same-sex marriage threatening to so many “Christian” heterosexual people? What business is it of theirs? No one is forcing the straight folks to participate in a gay union or to watch or even to know any gay married folks. I also don’t see why it is a religious issue. Being gay is not contagious and being straight is not a direct line to salvation!

    So many people who think their way is the only way….

  • Susie G

    Thanks for expressing so well how I feel about this!!

  • I think what many fail to see is that if we have separation of church and state, American marriage may not necessarily equal Christian marriage. Yes, Christian marriage is before God and between a man and a woman. But American marriage may not be.

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