Whether your husband works days, nights, or around the clock… whether he spends sixty hours a week toiling outside the home or is a stay-at-home dad… whether he has a home office or leaves work at the door… his home should be a welcoming haven for him.
Now… I could write a preachy post about making sure you have the house scrubbed and tidy and lovely while wearing a fresh blouse and lipstick each day when he comes home. I imagine that might be helpful… for a few couples out there. But, not only would I be a total hypocrite to even write that post, it’s also not what my husband expects- or even WANTS- from me.
Know His Priorities
I think this is the most important thing to keep in mind as you set about making your home a place your man wants to be. What matters most to him? Does he feel unsettled in an untidy home? Try to neaten up for him. Do allergies mean dust can set him off sneezing and miserable? Keep those bunnies corralled. Will he overlook a sloppy kitchen if it’s the result of yummy cooking and baking? Make sure he’s well fed!
For my man, keeping a clean, spotless home falls low on the priority list. Taking care of the kids certainly tops the list. Preparing yummy meals and keeping up on the laundry also beat out cleaning on his hierarchy. Far better for him to come home to giggling children in a toy-ridden living room than quiet kids staring at a TV in a tidy space. He’d certainly prefer a smiling wife standing on a sticky kitchen floor to a cranky one who mopped the floor to a gleam. These are things I know and so I make sure the “important” things get done first.
Speak His Love Language
For some men, having a cleaned out, fiercely organized space makes them feel better. They are more at peace and more relaxed. Some couldn’t care less. Some men appreciate an aromatic, home-prepared dinner filling their homes with scent. Others are just as happy with a takeout pizza. Figure out what delights your husband and try to make it happen. Realize that this may mean letting other things slide.
There have been times when I (literally) had to choose between baking something for a dessert that night or vacuuming the (dirty) living room floor before my man got home. I’ve learned, through trial and error, that my husband is far more likely to notice and appreciate cookies than a dust-bunny free floor. Knowing this, I can make better choices in terms of making him happy.
Realize His Quirks
Most of us have at least a small handful of little things that drive us batty. Learn your husband’s. My guy cannot STAND when someone places a new roll of toilet paper on top of an empty roll rather than switching it out. (And, really, how lazy is that??) Still, for whatever reason, that one doesn’t seem to annoy me and, if I’m not paying attention, I could overlook it. I work hard not to because I know it’s one of those nagging things that gets under his skin.
Don’t Underestimate Your Role
You- yes, you- are the biggest asset or liability when it comes to a welcoming home. Your attitude will make more of a difference in whether your man can’t wait to come through the door or just braces himself for the onslaught. Pull yourself together. (And I don’t mean by getting all dolled up.)
It is important that I have control of this home when my other half gets home. It should not be wild chaos with a frantic woman at the helm. However. I do NOT have to have everything all done and perfectly performed to be doing a good job. There will be days when things fall apart and I cannot properly juggle all the tasks on my plate. Guess what? That’s okay.
I remember when I was a supervisor at a bank. I had many employees to oversee and lots of expectations of each. Most days, they handled those responsibilities without much intervention. Some days? They came to me essentially crying uncle and asking for assistance. You know what? Those days they needed help? They were still doing their jobs and doing them properly. Had they allowed themselves to get buried and flounder around drowning… that would have been the error and I would have been disappointed in them. This premise holds true in our home too. It’s okay if I ask him for help. I dare say he expects that I should need his help from time to time. Knowing that is a part of my doing a good job managing this place.
By remembering to keep control, bake some brownies, and switch out the TP roll , I ensure that my husband will be delighted to come home to me. Knowing what really matters to him is key to making this place a welcoming haven. What keeps my guy content might drive yours nuts… but it’s what works around here. Figuring that part out is half the battle.
What steps can you take to make your king thrilled to come home to his castle?
Don’t miss the great suggestions from my lovely and clever partners in this Honoring the Man They Call Daddy series: