To The Dog Owners


Some background info first:

  • I do not own a dog.
  • I do not hate dogs.
  • I am not afraid of dogs.

Now that we’ve established that, here are ten things I’d love to say to many dog owners around me:

  1. Your dog is cuter to you than he is to me.
  2. Brushing off “jumping” as “playfulness” does not make it better for me.
  3. Ditto for “sniffing” as “curiosity”.
  4. I would never, in a million years, consider leaving a dirty diaper in your home or yard. Please clean up after your best friend.
  5. I’d like to go to the ball fields to watch baseball, not navigate a mine field of droppings.
  6. While I’m not saying all pit bulls are bad dogs, I’d prefer we not test the theory with my small children.
  7. On that topic, yelling “Pick up your son!!!” at me as your pit bull “puppy” charges my driveway will not endear him to me.
  8. Um… I don’t actually want to pet your dog, thanks.
  9. It skeeves me out when you let your dog lick your mouth. Just sayin’. (And don’t give me that jazz about dog mouths being cleaner than human mouths and blah, blah, blah. Quite frankly, I don’t want to watch your husband lick your mouth either.)
  10. I really DO love your pooch… over there.

How about you? What would like to say to the dog owners (or cat owners, if you’d like!) around you?

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