Part 2: Debate vs. Judgment


I’ve already told you all that I love you just the way you are… including any choices you make that strike me as odd or quirky. My friend Amy raised a great point in the comments. In a nutshell, she asks…

What about debate? Isn’t it a GOOD thing for us to discuss these issues? To hash them out? Isn’t that how we learn and either change or reaffirm our own stances?
The short answer?
Yes. It’s a good thing.
But here’s what I’ve noticed…
Too much of the time? It’s not debate. It’s a subtle form of female attack that we women love to use to try to undermine the other person. It looks something like this:
Woman #1 sends out a quick tweet: “Help! Looking for something easy to toss together for supper! Links?”

Woman #2, trying to help, replies: “How about this? My whole fam loves it!” with a link to her mother-in-law’s famous macaroni and cheese recipe… the one made with Velveeta.

Woman #1 checks it out and writes back: “I’m sure it’s tasty! But I won’t serve my kids fake cheese. :) :) :)”
Snarkity snark snark snark. Oh, those little emoticons just add to the snark.
This isn’t debate. Debate requires two willing, fully-aware participants in my opinion. Had Woman #2 said, “How about this one since it uses Velveeta which is, you know, the most healthy cheese”, then, fine. Feel free to debate and discuss. But this isn’t what I see happening. I see a whole lot of women who seem to be looking for things to jump on.
I recently read a post about finding good prices on milk. Lots of helpful advice there… until someone had to hijack the comments with something like this:
“Why are you drinking milk? It’s not for humans… it’s for baby cows. It’s not right.” Blah blah blah.
Judgment. Superiority complexes. Sometimes outright nastiness.
Look, I think it’s great if you have strong opinions. I hope you do! And I’m confident enough in my own choices that, if you catch me on a day when I have the time and energy, I will happily debate with you…
But if I happen to post a pic of my children enjoying a joyful Kool-Aid toast, I’d kindly ask that you refrain from using it as a platform for your campaign against corn syrup. That’s all I’m saying.
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